Sunday, July 18, 2010

Feeling Guilty: SAHM vs Working Mommy

I wrote this post three weeks ago and didn't post it. I want to share it with you now, because I did go back to work and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I cried the entire day I was away from Kendall. It was horrible.
But I made it.

And the second day was not near as bad.

Nor the third or the fourth. It gets a little easier as the days go by and guess what it is a lot easier on Kendall.

She goes with the flow and I am very lucky because she is a sweet, loving, and extremely happy baby!

When I was little I ALWAYS played house. I loved to get all of my babies, my kitchen set and anything else house related out to the deck and play house. It was my favorite thing to do. I always took care of my babies and I never went to "work" when I was playing house. My responsiblity was to clean the house, make supper, and take care of my babies.

Ok so I was playing with myself and I was six years old and I didn't know what "Working" meant. But, I still had this vision as a young child that I was to take care of the babies.

Fast forward 2o years later and now I have a four month old and in three weeks she will be going to a sitter for the first time.

I am scared.
I am nervous.

I am sad.

And I feel guilty.

Yes the guilt that everyone talks about has hit me.
I love my job, and let's be honest here I am not cut out to be a SAHM. In a selfish, yet not selfish way, I like making money and being able to help provide for my family.

Could we make sacrifices for me to stay home? Probably, but it would be way more stressful then me picking up and going back to work and as I stated before I LOVE my job!

So, what do I feel guilty about? I feel guilty because in three weeks my daughter will be staying with someone she doesn't know.

I feel guilty because I am going back to work and when my daughter cries I won't be there to comfort her.

I feel guilty because I want to go back to work.

I have the best of both worlds because in the summer time I do get to be a SAHM for two and a half months Not only that but as a school teacher we get at least one day a month off and in the months of October, November, December, and March we are off for a total of four weeks!

I am very Lucky.

But, I still feel guilty.


Loopylou!! said...

oh christy, you are so strong hunny and you have done an awesome job taking the step to go back to work. sending great big hugs hunny and i love the coloursplash piccy of miss kendal too!!!! xxx

laterg8r said...

no matter what decision you make it comes with guilt! you just have to make the best decision for you and your family. :D